Can I get a what what in my comments? Who the hell is actually reading this thing? If you’ve come here more than once, please leave a comment. I’ll actually write more if i know people are expecting me to whip out the goods. I will bring the proverbial “it.”
So…I’m struggling for a topic…uh…Oh…no, that’s…uh…yeah I uh…fuck.
I know! I’ll post an idea I had for a joke that might make a better blog entry.
I’m from a little known town called Las Vegas, NV. I recently discovered that telling people I’m from Vegas is code for “Say something stupid to me.” The top 3 most common idiotic comments are as follows…
3. Did you live in a casino?
2. Did you get paid in poker chips?
1. Is your mother a hooker?
Thanks. That’s the perfect thing to say to someone you just met. I’m gonna start doing that to people. I’m gonna make assumptions about you based on limited stereotypical knowledge of your home.
Oh you’re from New York?
Did you live in the bourbon soaked rotted stomach of an unconcious homeless man passed out on a park bench?
Did you get paid in the binge drinking induced vomit of 20something Jersey and Long Island weekenders?
Is your mother the penetrating aroma or urine of the F train?
Oh you’re from Los Angeles?
Is your mother a saline chested attention hound willing to do anything and anyone for a 15 second walk on role on the lowest rated show on the Food Network?
…and I’ll make them up about places I know nothing about
Oh you’re from Lochern, MD?
Did you live on a donkey farm run by flying red pixies that loved to sing showtunes in German accents?
Oh you’re from Herman, NE?
Did you get paid with the teeth of kittens that failed to pass the LSATs?
Oh yo’re from Liberal, KS? Sure I know where it is. About 30 miles south of Sublette.
Is your mother a 300 pound Simoan gentleman that wears brown spandex and likes to have sex with bullet wounds that actually believes in and worships Poseiden?
…and on and on until people stop being stupid. That means I’ll be saying these things forever.