When Oh When?

A lof of cab drivers live in my neighborhood. I’ve been seeing more and more cabs parked in front of place late at night and into the day. I’ve been waiting for this to happen…

DRIVER
Where are you going?

ME
Um…I’m going to Queens, 30th St and Broadway in Astoria?

DRIVER
No Way! That is where I live!

ME
Oh?

DRIVER
Yes! We are neighbors! We are friends now!

ME
Uh…

DRIVER
Yes! We must go for coffee during day and play the basketball, eh?

ME
I…

DRIVER
HAHA! We are now best of friends. You come over we play X-Box?

ME
Not sure if that would be a good idea.

DRIVER
Why not? I am neighbor! We have good fun time together. Hey, you must meet my daughter. She is beautiful. She is just at right age to be married. She make you good wife!

ME
Whoa whoa whoa…I’m not marrying anyone just yet – gotta picture?

DRIVER
Yes! Here. Here is picture. Beatiful yes.

ME
What the…?! This girl is like 15!!

DRIVER
13, but give her some time and she will be ripe for marriage, eh? Know what I mean ripe?

ME
Yo, man, you’re talking about your own daughter!

DRIVER
What is problem? She is woman! Woman have needs! I am modern man: I can not deny this.

ME
Dude, just take me where I want to go.

DRIVER
HEY! I know where fuck you live!

ME
What?

DRIVER
Where you live! I know where you live! You don’t fuck with me! I come and find you and cut off balls with shank and give them to my daughter as necklace.

ME
Come to think of it, X-Box is quite relaxing. And your daughter is quite the looker.

DRIVER
She is gorgeous, my friend.

ME
That’s what I meant: gorgeous. So grown up for her age.

DRIVER
You make me happy, friend neighbor! Hey, I no charge you for this. I’ll say I was going home. You come for dinner yes?

ME
Now? Tonight?

DRIVER
Where did I put shank?

ME
Of course i’m coming. Looking forward to it.

DRIVER
Good! Can not wait to show my wife her new son in law!

Leave a Reply