This rain, huh? Its crazy, eh? Whatever, its all just subtle pre-amble to the Apocalypse. At least its only rain. When its starts to be blood, Bat heads and READ magazines falling from the sky. I’ll be a little scared. Indeed very scared and scarred.
That’s what we have to look forward to: talking about the Apocalypse like its the weather.
(Two fishermen in Maine sitting on a pier)
Uh oh, almost 7 o’clock. Be dark soon.
Almost Apocalypse time.
Yuh. Best be headin in.
(Cut to a local News Program)
And now with our weekend forcast here’s Apocalyptic Soothsayer, Jeff Goodwinger.
Hey thanks, Tim. We’ve got a heavy Apocalypse this weekend. So I’d advise staying in. As you can see on our Demon Scan Biblical Ending technology there’s gonna be a locust front coming in through Texas and up into the Northeast. Now remember these are giant maneating locusts that signify the end is nigh, not the ordinary crop eating kind we’re used to from years ago. So wear a hat. And if you’re plan a trip or escape to the midwest this weekend there a 30% chance of 4 horsemen with partly ashen skies. So wear shoes fit for running and carry a gun or a sword with you for I can guarantee some feistiness. Back to you, Tim.
Thanks, Jeff. That’s it for tonight. I’ll be out next week for I’ve just been possessed. (Eyeballs explode) DIEM EX MORTIS! ARRUGHTGHARUGHARUGHGARUUGUIAHGARGFIDHGAFRIARHAUAH.