After having a conversation in which I complimented her fine bulbous backside, Allison Castillo (HAPPY BIRTHDAY) asked me a very deep question “What’s with guys and asses?”
To ask a man what is it with men and asses is like saying “what is it with women and pretty eyes?”
A nice ass is a work of art. Asses come in all shapes and sizes. No two are the same and any person has their on ass aesthetic or “Assthetic” (I couldn’t resist). A nice ass is like a fine creme brulette, a Cezanne, the Harry Potter series. You have a very well formed, shapely “damn can I get some of that” booty.
Now primally you have to understand that “doggy style” is actually the natural way humans made love until the Missionaries came along and left their legacy. So, of course, there is an intense connection to sex when dealing with asses. That makes for quite an exciting artshow. I think Spinal Tap said it best when they said “The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin’/ That’s what I said/ The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand/ Or so I have read.”
During this time of year the streets become a museum of the female form whether you like it or not (and most women don’t). Connoisseurs of Asses, Breasteses, and Legs line the streets. They study the artwork. Discuss the origin, style and period –
“Obviously born in the Bronx year 1979. Latina variety. Highly influenced by the Early 90s Hair Band period, but in a retro manner influenced by Sex and the City reruns as exemplified by the blonde streaks. B cups accented by a fine pink scarf draped across a horizontally striped shirt. And of course her backside is very nice indeed thanks to a pair of acid washed jeans and clear high heals…Excuse me there, miss! You look lovely”
Of course what comes out is different -
“Damn Mami! You’re hurtin’ me, baby! Let me just get a piece! You know what I’m saying, boo? Good God girl that booty is banging!”
Just know when you hear stuff like that, its the closest some of those guys will ever come to being in a museum.