A Few Joke Ideas.

After doing some colleges and some road gigs I am officially tired of the majority of my material. Its very very nice to know that i can do 45-60 minutes and keep people interested the entire time, but now its time to start over. Here’s a few ideas I’ve been having…

You think anyone plays the Harlem Globetrotters and takes themselves way to seriously? There’s a team in their locker room at half time and they’re geting ripped into…”DAMMIT! We are 0 and 550! You guys have to start playing some defense! I don’t care if they’re bouncing it off their heads and shooting basket with their buttchecks. We’re getting our asses handed to us by courtroom antics! Now get out there and act like you are the Washington Generals!!”

I’ve been seeing political messages in strange places lately. A weird one was in Disneyland when i went there for Christmas with my family. We rode on the It’s a small world afterall ride listening to that hypnotic song in many different languages when we found ourselves in a section of it with no music. This section was ransacked. Houses were ripped apart. Dolls were knocked over with broken heads. You could see the little elctric impulse in their throats light up to the rhythm of the song. I was like “what is this?” It was very disturbing. We get to the end of the section and then a banner falls that says “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” I get it. Random, but I get it.

I don’t know what it is in some people (I think its genetic) that makes them not admit when they are falling asleep. They will just not own up to it. “You’re falling asleep” “No, i’m just resting my eyes.” “Yes I know. That’s called sleeping.” Its the only thing I know of where people will state the definition of what they are doing as evidence that that aren’t doing it. “Did you pee in the bed?” “No, i just relieved myself in the place in which I slumber.” “Did you eat all my cookies?” “No, I just devoured and ingested your delicious supply of secret baked goods.” “Are you in love with a stripper?” “No, I’m just enamored of a woman who makes her livelihood as an exotic dancer.” These are usually the smae people who won’t admit when they are drunk. If someone said to you “You’re Drunk” its because you just did something really drunk to deserve that comment. If someone said it to you when you were just sitting down minding your own business, they’re drunk.

Leave a Reply