Archive for March, 2005

for good measure a complete list of all black persons employed as cast members on Saturday Night Live

Tuesday, March 29th, 2005

1. Garrett Morris
2. Eddie Murphy
3. Yvonne Hudson
4. Damon Wayans
5. Danitra Vance
6. Tim Meadows
7. Chris Rock
8. Ellen Cleghorne
9. Tracy Morgan
10. Maya Rudolph
11. Dean Edwards
12. Jerry Minor
13. Finesse Mitchell
14. Kenan Thompson
(Number with “M” last names: 6)

Girls With Big Breasts Shouldn’t Run

Tuesday, March 29th, 2005

Sure its fun for guys like me to watch and it seems like it’ll get you to your destination faster, but the only thing it’ll speed up is the meeting between your nipples and your knees. I invite debate from any qualified physicist.

Moment of Clarity #1

Tuesday, March 29th, 2005

Right now somewhere in America there is a White Supremacist getting a tan.

WHITE SUPREMACIST: I hate Blackies and Darkies of all kinds, but boy do I love a good Bronzing!

ONLOOKER: Does that mean you don’t mind Latinos?

WHITE SUPREMACIST: What? No! I hate those little job stealers! Get out of my light!

Sub(concious)Way

Monday, March 28th, 2005

Some thoughts about riding the Subway

When you hold the pole, you are holding hands with every person who has ever held the pole. Same goes with sitting down. Next time you get into a fight with a stanger remember how much hand holding and ass rubbing you’ve done and hold it close to your heart of hate. It may help.

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When you get a chance, make sure to ride the 1/9 or the A train on a hot humid summer day during rush hour between 42nd St and Columbus Circle. Ride it back and forth all day while the sun is up for an entire week and that will be the closest you ever ever get to knowing what its like to be in a slave ship. (and its still not that close)

Racially Insensitive Joke (for Easter)

Sunday, March 27th, 2005

Nothing is better than a racially insenstive joke that also crosses the boundaries of religion. The more sacred cows that are being hit with one stone, the better. With that in mind, a friend of mine called me today to say to me “Happy Easter from your favortie Jew.” I said to her, “You know, I should be thanking you. I wouldn’t have Easter if you hadn’t killed my lord.”