Archive for 2005
Friday, December 30th, 2005
Or is it “out of my head”? (I think the question mark is supposed to go inside the quotation marks)
I’m going crazy. I’m so out of it right now I think Mad TV (http://www NULL.madtv NULL.com/index NULL.html) is funny. Something is seriously wrong with me.
Mad TV is an anomaly to me. Its a show in which there are people that I think are actually funny, but somehow put together a show that is so so. I feel the same way about SNL (at times i feel that way – there are people on that show i’d like to destroy).
Look at the cast of Mad TV. Since its inception it has been fueled with inventive and interesting performers from Bryan Callen, Orlando Jones, Artie Lange, Alex Borstein, Stephanie Weir, Michael McDonald, Will Sasso, Mo Collins, Aries Spears, Phil LaMarr, Andrew Daly, Bobby Lee, Keegan-Michael Key, and, of course, Nicole Parker and Debra Wilson.
Funny people that have done a lot of funny stuff. For instance, Alex Borstein (the love of my life) is a writer on Family Guy and does a ton of voices including the voice of wisdom, Lois Griffin.
Maybe I’m wrong maybe I’m not going insane. Oh wait, right now I think “The Parkers” is funny too.
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
Its late. Its 12am which I always follow up with 3am EST since I’m in Vegas.
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
Well the 18th was my birthday and i’m officially a quarter of a century old. Do i feel different? No. I’m still poor.
My favorite thing people said when i told them it was my birthday was “really? is it really your birthday?” Are there really that many people lying about their birthday’s. I mean i know some people do it to get a free meal or a drink here and there, but do they go up to their close friends and say “It my birthday! Haha I’m joking! I’m a trickster! I totally fooled you! Even though I’m a close friend of yours I just gave you reason to never trust me about anything more important! And seeing how a birhday is really insignificant, you can’t expect me to be honest about anything! MWAH HAHAHAHA! I’m an ingenious rapscallion”
People asked me what i wanted for my birthday, i just made it into a grocery list. “What do i want? Hmm, some paper towels would be nice. And some toilet paper. And maybe a few cans of Campbell’s Chunky Soup. No, you know what? Its my birthday: i’m gonna be fancy. Campbell’s Select.”
I’m now in my hometown of Las Vegas, NV chillin with my Mom, Grandma, Step-Grandma, and Step-Dad. Most importantly though, I’m around my little sisters whom I adore. At least for the first few days. Its amazing how you could miss someone and not see them for 6 months, but once you do you’re done with it in about 2 days of screaming and jumping. And by you, I mean me.
More later on my travels and also the story of the flight into Vegas sitting next to annoying tourists that made me feel nice and racist.
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
This is a list of comics I saw today. At least the ones I know the names of…
Josh Grosvent, Victor Varnado, Liz Miele, Jen Dziura, Todd Womack, Matt Daly, Kristen Schaal, Rob Gordon, Mark Douglas, Moody McCarthy, Free to be Friends (Julie Klausner and Sue Galloway), Elon James White, Katina Corrao, Jenny Rubin, Liam McEneaney, Becky Yamamoto, Laura Mannino, Matt McCarthy, Theron Steiner, Ophira Eisenberg, Jess Wood, Desiree Burch, Matt Taylor, Dave Baldwin, Eric Andre, Sven Wechsler, Becky Donohue, Molly Reisner, Michelle Buteau, Susan Prekel, Rena Zager, Jodie Wasserman, Irene Bremis, Charlie Gaeta, Rachel Feinstein, Susannah Perlman
And that ends my list.
Saturday, December 10th, 2005
Some guys kiss their biceps and say something like “Watch out for the Big Guns.” I kiss mine and say “Don’t worry about the sling shots.”
Saturday, December 10th, 2005
There is nothing in the Bible about Christmas. Its not there. It was a pagan holiday that was absorbed as a means to convert more people to Christianity. Fact is, nobody really knows when Christ was born and if we did it wouldn’t be the same day every year because we would know the date according to the Jewish Calendar which is different then the Julian Calendar which is what we use (based on moon cycles).
Now that I’ve got that off my chest. Let’s talk. First a racist joke.
There’s an exhibit in town right now called “Bodies”. Its a scientific exhibit which shows the internal organs and muscles of the bodies and how they work in different circumstances. Here’s the rub, they are using real bodies. Real organs, real muscles. Some people find it disturbing and disrespectful. I don’t. The bodies were donated by the Chinese Government and we all know the Chinese aren’t real people.
Ah inappropriate race humor. Somehow very rejuvenating. Its ok though. Seriously, some of my closest friends are Chinese. Did a cool show tonight with Becky Yamamoto (http://yougottapayforthisshit NULL.blogspot NULL.com/). Some people included were Desiree Burch, Michelle Collins, Sara Schaefer, Lang Fisher, Michael Cyril Creighton, Tony Carnevale, Jon Friedman, Lianne Stokes…list goes on.
Friday, December 9th, 2005
I want to do more political material. The thing about it is, no matter what I do I don’t feel like I know enough. And this world is changing so fast. I try to read The NY Post, the Daily News, The NY Times, Time Magazine, Newsweek Magazine and the Economist. I try to read them.
I have piles of Time and The Economist scattered all over my bedroom contributing to the mess that is my life and brain. I will buy one with the intent of reading it and a lot of the time, I get through a good portion of it, or at least certain stories that I find interesting. I try to cross reference different sources so that I get a fuller picture of what it is I’m trying to understand. Then I’ll put the paper or mag down and say “I’ll read the rest of that later” while I go browse blogs and myspace and IM with people I wouldn’t be caught dead with in real life (That’s a joke if you’re one of them and you’re reading this)
The other day I was given a Metro and I didn’t finish it until later. A METRO! The thing is only 6 pages long! This paper was made for people that want information but don’t actually care about it staying in their brains and I had a literary double take with it. DAMMIT!
It’s just hard to know everything that’s going on in the world unless you commit your life to it. And there are many people who do, but they specialize in knowing about a specific thing. Like South America’s effect on the US, or Tribal Conflict in Africa, or how companies process their foods, or knowing exactly how much nutmeg to put in the nog. I think I get distracted because I’m trying to know it all. As a wise person once said “I know a lot about a lot of things, but I don’t know everything about one thing.”
I wish I was a joke writing machine. Give it time. Not everything comes out hilarious. Here’s a joke I heard that was in a play I did a staged reading of today by Kara Lee Corthron (the play was by her, not sure if the joke is)
A rabbit and a bear are in a forest and they hate each other. One day they accidentally find a magic lamp. They were fighting and it fell out of a tree or something. They rub it and of course a genie comes out and grants them each 3 wishes. The bear goes first and he wishes to be the only male bear in the forest. Then he wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Then he wishes for there to be a lot of other bears in the forest. The bear, of course, is delighted. Then the rabbit has his turn. He points to the bear and says “I wish he was gay.” BAZING
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
You ever wish you weren’t alive? Not in a way that means you want to kill yourself. Not dead. That’s why I use the words “not” and “alive.” It a more matter of fact feeling. A passing thought. “Boy, I wish I wasn’t alive…meh, back to the grocery list.”
Its a feeling like wishing that you didn’t exist. Again, I must stress that I don’t mean it in a negative or depressing way. Just in the way of not wanting to deal with things like money or work or creativity or existential dilemmas. See? Its a wish to not have existential dilemmas. Its the alternate ending to “Its a Wonderful Life” where George just says “Eh” and walks away.
Doo dee dah deedle dodo dada zwee bop skee do wah.
Thought I’d do a little type-scat for you. Imagine that along with an old Ella Fitzgerald hit.
It officially is cold here now. It snowed a little bit, but it just gonna get worse as the months go on. That’s the east coast for ya. 5 months of winter, 5 months of summer and fall and spring are a month each. A friend of mine in chicago told me its 1 degree there right now which is the coldest December they’ve had in a century. Every year the records of “hottest day” and “coldest day” are being broken. Sign the end is nigh? You make the call.
and now for stream of concious writing
many thought race threw my head as i open the flood gates of my mind lots of thing fall out of it mostly having to do with some random ass tv show. many popculture references in this al gore like lockbox that is my memory. Tv was my babysitter. Couldn’t have been a better sitter. She never yelled. Always let me decide what i wanted to do and never told my mom any of the things I did while she was gone. She also didn’t get mad when I would watch the old school Adam West “Batman” and re enact the fights in the living room while wearing little to no clothes at all. Dadadadadada BATMAN!! And then when all was said and done things would be normal by the time Mom got home. Ah the joys of being an only child. At least until I was 13 when my little sister was born. I remember being at home and waking up late for school and wondering why no one bothered to tell me. The house was empty. I got ready for school and walked on my way there and still i saw no people around my metropolis. I looked up at the sky and it looked like a cosmic Cookie Monster had taken a bite out of the sun (I later found out it was an eclipse-duh) “The world is about to end,” I thought, “and I was left behind.”
That was a little harder than i was expecting it to be. I obviously can’t type as fast as I can think. Especially when i go back to correct spelling and punctuation.
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
I’m actually gonna start blogging again. I’m gonna make myself blog everyday because its good for me. It allows me to unlock the floodgates of my creativity as they said to me back in 3rd grade.
So the thing is this, not all of this will make sense.
Some of it will be random ass shit.
Some of it will be insightful.
Some of it will be ramblingnessity.
Personally I think you learn more about a person through how they ramble and go on tnagents. You just gotta learn how to decipher the code. Rambling is when you see how the mind actually analyzes, processes and puts together all the random info infiltrating our minds at all times. Most of us express ourselves in a way someone else taught us that is considered neutral.
Rambling is natural. You gotta learn how to harness the power of rambling like its a wild beast you can tame. Rambling is sometimes like unpacking the brain of info so that you can connect to the real message and/or important info lurking at the bottom of the pile.
Embrace rambling until you have nothing to ramble about.
See random but I like it – me gusta.
I’m happy about Peter Jackson’s remake of King Kong. I’m a huge Peter Jackson fan and I’m happy to finally see him tackling the issue of interracial relationships
Friday, November 25th, 2005
I haven’t written in a long while because I have a very temperamental internet connection. In fact, I guarantee my connection will go off 5 times while writing this and I’ll have to wait an hour or 2 afterwards to load it onto my page. Most likely, I’ll press “publish” and it’ll go to a “Page Not Found” and i’ll hit the “Back” button and “everything” I wrote will be “gone” and I will say “Fuck.” I’ll try copying it beforehand.
I’ve had a lot to say since last I wrote. Begin now.
Here’s a thought I had yesterday. I think one of our tragic flaws as a country is having a dependence on a finite substance: oil. This is something I think will contribute to our downfall as an empire. Also, it’s something we don’t really have much of here in the US. We get the majority of it elsewhere. We should use something we have plently of as a fuel source. Like righteous directionless indignation. Or cynical suburban white teenagers who talk like their a Tupac/Keanu hybrid. How about we use something we have plently of in the US as a new fuel source: unwanted pregnancies. SURE! Since, Roe v. Wade might be overturned soon, how about taking those fetuses from teen mothers, grinding them up and putting that potent goo in those Hummers. With the rising teen pregnancy rates that’s a fuel source we could rely on for thousands of years. Problem solved. Rambling finished.